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Posted 09 April 2005 - 10:36 AM
just
need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know.
Take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten
to make.
I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robin
Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that
anyone
could be so rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her.
I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an *beep*!" and
hung
up.
I wrote his number down with the word '*beep*' next to it, and put it
in my desk
drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call
him up and yell, "You're an *beep*!"
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic '*beep*'
calling
would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the
telephone
company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID
Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an *beep*!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy
in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently
waited for.
I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot. The
idiot ignored
me.
I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his
number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first *beep* (I had
his number on
speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW *beep*, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the
car's parked
right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an *beep*." Then I hung up, and added his number to my
speed
dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea.
I called *beep* #1.
"Hello."
"You're an *beep*!" (But I didn't hang up)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"*beep*, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my
black Beamer
parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
saying your
prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, *beep*."
Then I called *beep* #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, *beep*," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, *beep*, here's your chance. I'm coming over right
now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way
over
there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West
34th
Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street. There I saw
two
assholes beating the crap out
of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter and a
news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management really works!!!
Sorry about the a word being used so much....but this is how I handle my stress
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