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OFF SEASON ALMOST OVER AUG 13 VS LIONS
azjetfan Icon : (11 June 2015 - 07:37 PM) rumor has it he wanted a raise over his $5.5 million base this year
Jetsfan115 Icon : (11 June 2015 - 07:39 PM) 33 is young for a guard. he's got at least 3-4 more years in him
azjetfan Icon : (11 June 2015 - 07:40 PM) Mmmmm I disagree.
azjetfan Icon : (11 June 2015 - 07:40 PM) I would go 2 year deal.
azjetfan Icon : (11 June 2015 - 07:41 PM) Maybe longer if we could get out of it after 2
Jetsfan115 Icon : (12 June 2015 - 11:36 AM) backloaded 4 year deal ca cut after 2 years wit minimum cap hit
Jetsfan115 Icon : (12 June 2015 - 02:22 PM) Jets sign free agent OT Charlles Brown
azjetfan Icon : (14 June 2015 - 01:48 PM) We won't be able to backload it. He won't accept the offer. Keep in mind he requested he release because they couldn't come to an agreement on a raise.
azjetfan Icon : (14 June 2015 - 01:49 PM) He is probably looking for $7 million or more per year.
Jetsfan115 Icon : (15 June 2015 - 09:44 AM) he was only making 5.5 million this year. we can give him 10 mil signing bonus onf a 5 year deal and a low base salary (like 3 mil a year) it'll average out to 5 mil a year, but he'll get 13 million this year (more then double) and will cost 5 mil a year against the cap for the rest of the deal
2JBallar01 Icon : (15 June 2015 - 02:17 PM) Any news on Mathis at all? Haven't heard anything since his release.
2JBallar01 Icon : (15 June 2015 - 02:17 PM) Also, Sam Baker was cut today as well
santana Icon : (16 June 2015 - 04:52 PM) Titans releasing RB Shonn Greene
MikeGangGree... Icon : (16 June 2015 - 10:40 PM) TEH WARRIORS
santana Icon : (16 June 2015 - 11:08 PM) This trophy ceremony awkward as fuck I had to turn it off
Mr_Jet Icon : (17 June 2015 - 08:02 PM) It really was. It was more Doris Burke interviewing the Warriors than it was a trophy ceremony. Plus Adam Silver forgot to hand the Warriors owner the trophy after he was done talking to the crowd.
Mr_Jet Icon : (17 June 2015 - 08:03 PM) R.I.P. Stuart Scott
MikeGangGree... Icon : (17 June 2015 - 10:05 PM) FIRE SILVER
MikeGangGree... Icon : (17 June 2015 - 10:05 PM) FIRE BURKE
MikeGangGree... Icon : (19 June 2015 - 06:27 PM) THE A-ROD!!
santana Icon : (26 June 2015 - 12:19 PM) god damn week no activity in here
santana Icon : (26 June 2015 - 12:20 PM) might have to chop this table up into fire wood
santana Icon : (26 June 2015 - 12:26 PM) FIRE WOOD!
Mr_Jet Icon : (26 June 2015 - 05:54 PM) Kristaps Porzingis???
Mr_Jet Icon : (26 June 2015 - 05:55 PM) You'd think Isiah Thomas was still running the Knicks last night.
santana Icon : (27 June 2015 - 07:30 PM) Lol yeah no clue about those names
Jetsfan0099 Icon : (28 June 2015 - 10:10 AM) Is there any chance that Porzingis ends up being good?
Jetsfan0099 Icon : (28 June 2015 - 10:10 AM) I'm guessing he won't be the next Pau Gasol or Dirk Nowviski
Mr_Jet Icon : (28 June 2015 - 11:41 AM) You never know, he could be as good as Gasol brothers or Dirk. Honestly the Knicks picking at #4 did the same thing the 3 teams picking ahead of them did. Picked a 19 year who could go boom or bust.
Mr_Jet Icon : (28 June 2015 - 11:45 AM) Porzingis seems to have the "I'm going to prove them wrong" type of attitude needed to overcome people's doubts about him. Hopefully he'll have the work ethic that goes along with that attitude.
azjetfan Icon : (28 June 2015 - 10:17 PM) In other news I decided to shave the dome. Since the hair was falling out anyway I figured I would show it who's boss
santana Icon : (29 June 2015 - 01:11 PM) Deisel up shave the dome
Mr_Jet Icon : (29 June 2015 - 04:49 PM) Welcome home.
azjetfan Icon : (29 June 2015 - 08:59 PM) I feel fast.
azjetfan Icon : (01 July 2015 - 07:53 PM) Shot an 86 today. Personal best.
santana Icon : (01 July 2015 - 08:19 PM) well done
santana Icon : (01 July 2015 - 08:19 PM) im going to play friday
blk_orion Icon : (02 July 2015 - 08:57 AM) play what? golf?
Jetsfan0099 Icon : (02 July 2015 - 01:16 PM) Sheldon Richardson suspended 4 game for substance abuse.
Jetsfan0099 Icon : (02 July 2015 - 01:16 PM) f***
ganggreen2003 Icon : (02 July 2015 - 06:15 PM) DAMNIT TO f***ing HELL!!!!
azjetfan Icon : (02 July 2015 - 07:46 PM) Yup. Golf. I'm ready to take on Tiger. Mid season form. For what ever reason I am hitting the driver great. 280 and fairly controlled. I'm playing again Saturday.
santana Icon : (02 July 2015 - 07:55 PM) tiger shot a 66 today didnt he easy course though
santana Icon : (02 July 2015 - 07:55 PM) things were going too well for the jets this off season
MikeGangGree... Icon : (02 July 2015 - 10:33 PM) Well I guess Williams will be starting in opening day now
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Roger Goodell's Secret Relocation Plans Some good humor

#1 User is offline   azjetfan Icon

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Posted 07 August 2013 - 01:52 PM

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You probably suspect that the NFL has private files describing several possible relocation scenarios -- teams in London, Los Angeles, Toronto and so on. That's just the tip of a very dark, detailed iceberg, as we've recently discovered. Below, for the first time anywhere, is Roger Goodell's working plan to relocate every single team off North America.



FOR OWNERSHIP EYES ONLY

Gentlemen,

As previously discussed at the opening party for Mr. Irsay's ill-advised kosher barbecue restaurant, "Bris-Ket," my office has begun to assemble provisional dispersion protocols for each franchise in the event of widespread natural disaster, foreign invasion or a prolonged labor holdout. Assigned locations are subject to change with the state of world affairs at any time. Naturally, I must stress the utmost need for this document to remain secret.

Respectfully,

R.S. Goodell, Commissioner

AFRICA

Cincinnati Bengals -> Kenya. Continued economic expansion and the national soccer team's tendency to run afoul of FIFA augur great opportunity for the NFL. Hard Knocks has already mentioned an entire episode centering around a thirsty Andrew Whitworth drinking 1/3 of Lake Victoria.

Jacksonville Jaguars -> East London, South Africa. Finance desk estimates the team would save $2-3 million on repurposed London Jaguars paraphernalia already printed and in storage.

New York Giants -> Madagascar. Research desk showed other markets would be a more natural fit, but this is Eli Manning's favorite movie.

Oakland Raiders -> Somalia. "Bloodthirsty, lawless and remorseless." These were the terms the Somali pirates used to describe Oakland's fanbase, but we have assured them this behavior can be toned down.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers -> Egypt. At the request of the Department of State, we have slotted the Bucs here in the hopes that ongoing political strife is replaced by a collective displeasure with Josh Freeman's play.

ASIA

Baltimore Ravens -> India. Coach Harbaugh the Elder assured our office that control of rival nuclear powers was the inevitable endgame to his sibling rivalry. We see no reason to interfere with destiny.

Chicago Bears -> Russia. Occam's razor, gentlemen.

Cleveland Browns -> North Korea. The regime's history of media fabrications means we are the closest we will ever be to a "BROWNS WIN SUPER BOWL" headline.

Denver Broncos -> Kazakhstan. Region where some of the first horses were domesticated by man; also have no existing Papa John's franchises in-country.

Green Bay Packers -> Israel. That first Lambeau Leap over the Wailing Wall will be part of the Sunday Night Football montage for years to come.

Pittsburgh Steelers -> South Korea. Markets desk predicts continued growth in this, the world's sixth-largest producer of steel. Also preserves rivalry with North Korea Browns.

San Francisco 49ers -> Pakistan. Coach Harbaugh the Younger concurred with his brother.

St. Louis Rams -> Japan. Legal desk has assured me that we are unlikely to be held liable for the mistaken belief on the part of the Japanese that Jeff Fisher is actually "Silver Tom Selleck."

AUSTRALIA

Seattle Seahawks -> Australia. An unusual clause in Pete Carroll's contract requires any relocation of the team to be to a "shirt-optional" region. Contingent on ensuring that "beast mode" does not refer to some bizarre Australian coital configuration.

EUROPE

Arizona Cardinals -> Spain. High unemployment rate means team will be able to try a different running back every week. It was also determined that Larry Fitzgerald deserved to have something good happen to him, for once.

Detroit Lions -> Greece. Bankruptcy jibes aside, media desk shows astoundingly positive test audience reaction to an untitled reality show centered around what happens when Matthew Stafford is the richest person in an entire country.

Houston Texans -> Poland. In every military simulation NATO ran, J.J. Watt was the only countermeasure that consistently prevented the occupation of Warsaw.

Indianapolis Colts -> Belgium. The world's only other mayonnaise-based economy.

New England Patriots -> Romania. Special request by Bill Belichick, who wants to spend more time with his 800-year-old family avoiding the sunlight and feeding on townsfolk.

New Orleans Saints -> France. If Pierre Thomas' parents had named him Pyotr, this could have been a different result. Thirty-five-hour work week also ensures there is no time to organize illegal bounties.

New York Jets -> Italy. The Italians love leaders who are brash, stout and sexually deviant, so Prime Minister Rex Ryan is a real possibility. Economics desk also determined that Mark Sanchez's skill set fits country's traditional industry, Men Standing Around In Suits With Nice Hair, perfectly.

Washington Redskins -> Great Britain. Marketing has assembled a separate planning document laying out a six-month campaign focused on Robert Griffin III, the Royal QB. Historical desk is looking into possible background sources of peerage for Mr. Griffin.

CENTRAL/SOUTH AMERICA

Atlanta Falcons -> Peru. Correcting public misperception that Colombia, and not her southerly neighbor, is still the world's largest cocaine producer will be priority one in our "Modern World of Coke" launch.

Dallas Cowboys -> Brazil. Office of the U.S. Ambassador to Brazil notified us that the country was in serious need of a leader with experience in constructing expensive venues that provide little or no benefit to surrounding communities, and Mr. Jones graciously conceded.

Miami Dolphins -> Argentina. A natural transition, as the team will still find itself enjoying good weather, vibrant culture, and a fanbase dotted with unextradited criminals.

Minnesota Vikings -> Nicaragua. Legal desk has learned that a clause of every contract signed by musical artist Prince is that the Vikings only be allowed to relocate to a country flying a flag that contains the color purple. While some owners have suggested this condition could be ignored in the event of Prince's death, we are unwilling to risk death at the hands of Undead Prince, sensual though it would be.

San Diego Chargers -> Easter Island, Chile. Chargers are in desperate need for help along the offensive line, so this move is made in the interest of parity.

YET TO BE PLACED

Carolina Panthers -> ?. We have yet to find a country willing to take in Jimmy Clausen.

Buffalo Bills -> ?. Ownership continues to reject several appealing options; we suspect they may be attempting to keep the team where it is in the event of a North American catastrophe in order to collect an insurance payout.

Kansas City Chiefs -> ?. Logistics desk cannot guarantee Andy Reid will bring the team to the airport in time to make their flight, especially if they're checking bags.

Tennessee Titans -> ?. Just keep forgetting to do this one. Commissioners are imperfect, at times.

RELOCATION NOT APPLICABLE

This office has compiled 1,733 doomsday scenarios which would require implementation of the above geographic redistribution. In all of them, the doomsday event was caused by the Philadelphia Eagles and/or their supporters.

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