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MikeGangGree... Icon : (22 November 2015 - 04:12 PM) God Job Fitz....The guys in red and blue don't play for you anymore
JSOTF Icon : (22 November 2015 - 04:14 PM) piss poor play all day, thanks to you assholes for giving me a slitght spark there at the end
JSOTF Icon : (22 November 2015 - 04:15 PM) referring to the Jets, not you guys! lol
ROBJETS Icon : (22 November 2015 - 04:15 PM) Well yeah Fitz threw a couple ints but if Thomkins would've been in instead of Smith things might be different since Thomkins catches almost everything and runs good routes
ROBJETS Icon : (22 November 2015 - 04:17 PM) I'm disgusted that they keep putting Smith in at all. He isn't an NFL caliber wr and never will be. You can work on route running but not Vaseline hands. He will never be anything more than a body catcher
ROBJETS Icon : (22 November 2015 - 04:20 PM) Either way yeah this team sucks. No playoffs for us. It's hard to blame Fitz though. He touched it out after having surgery and said his thumb hurts far worse than before the surgery. Plus the online was shit and he kept getting hit so it's hard to make Fitz a dud this week
ROBJETS Icon : (22 November 2015 - 04:20 PM) Fitz was under tremendous pressure all game
ROBJETS Icon : (22 November 2015 - 04:21 PM) If Fitz had good protection he would've made better throws. Also Marshall dropped a lot of easy catches
MikeGangGree... Icon : (22 November 2015 - 04:23 PM) f***........................
MikeGangGree... Icon : (22 November 2015 - 04:23 PM) I HATE THIS
MikeGangGree... Icon : (22 November 2015 - 04:24 PM) Dolphins looking to take us out next week also
MikeGangGree... Icon : (22 November 2015 - 04:24 PM) I think Mangold has a broken wrist
MikeGangGree... Icon : (22 November 2015 - 04:34 PM) Jets 4th loss by 7 points or less. I all 4 of them the jets had the Ball with under 2 mins to go with a chance to tie or win the game
santana Icon : (22 November 2015 - 04:35 PM) noooooooo
MikeGangGree... Icon : (22 November 2015 - 04:36 PM) yessssssssssssssss
MikeGangGree... Icon : (22 November 2015 - 04:53 PM) So now we have to pull for the Pats against the Bills to stay even with them
MikeGangGree... Icon : (22 November 2015 - 04:53 PM) BOOOOOOOOOOOOO
MikeGangGree... Icon : (22 November 2015 - 04:54 PM) Hate my life
vjdbbq Icon : (22 November 2015 - 06:11 PM) SLIDE YOU f*** HEAD SLIDE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
vjdbbq Icon : (22 November 2015 - 06:11 PM) I don't want to see Geno !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MikeGangGree... Icon : (22 November 2015 - 11:42 PM) Report is mangold has a severe cut on his hand
ROBJETS Icon : (Yesterday, 02:12 AM) Jets playoff hopes are seriously on the edge of going down the drain with all the close records, tie breakers and better division win %.Steelers and Chiefs are prime for the 2 wild card spots. Jets pretty much need to run the table at this point for even a shot at a wildcard.
ROBJETS Icon : (Yesterday, 02:14 AM) Sucks big time after the season started so promising. 4-1 to total implosion. It sucks even more because we are so used to it we expect it every year now.
vjdbbq Icon : (Yesterday, 08:52 AM) Nice ass rob
MikeGangGree... Icon : (Yesterday, 12:31 PM) Jets cut copels today
MikeGangGree... Icon : (Yesterday, 12:32 PM) Coples
NJAzrael71 Icon : (Yesterday, 01:24 PM) Scott20119.....how about you go troll and spam some other site? Spammers can go f*** themselves.
ROBJETS Icon : (Yesterday, 05:39 PM) vjdbbq you have some serious metal and IQ issues. Why dont you go back to your old ways of never posting when you had only 5 or 6 posts since your join date in 07.
ROBJETS Icon : (Yesterday, 05:39 PM) mental
ROBJETS Icon : (Yesterday, 05:49 PM) Thanks for the news MGG. If the FO didn't try to shop him before the trade deadline it was stupid because releasing him now they get nothing. Maybe no one would've traded but if so even a 6th or 7th round draft pick or someone the team might be able to use would've been better than nothing
ROBJETS Icon : (Yesterday, 05:51 PM) He sucked this year but did have a career best 6.5 sacks in 2014 so a team change might work out for him.
azjetfan Icon : (Yesterday, 07:36 PM) Couples will land on the Bills when Rex grabs him off waivers
azjetfan Icon : (Yesterday, 07:37 PM) in the mean time does anyone think we would have a better record under Rex with this same team?
ROBJETS Icon : (Yesterday, 07:53 PM) Couples....it wouldn't surprise me and .....with Rex its hard to tell. His defensive scheming may be the best in football but this team has had a lot of injuries on both sides of the ball which has absolutely cost the team at least 3 games ......so as far as better record. it would be simply an opinion. Bowles has done a good job so I have no problems with him other than time out usage. That said I feel rex got a bad rap because he never had a qb even on Fitz caliber and Fitz is just average. But that is in the past so no sense even debating about it now. Rex is with a new team and we finally have a qb who doesn't completely suck. Still wish we had a true high level franchise qb though.
azjetfan Icon : (Yesterday, 09:34 PM) Watching the game and I am finding myself yelling at the bills offensive playcalling
azjetfan Icon : (Yesterday, 09:34 PM) Just stipupidity
azjetfan Icon : (Yesterday, 09:35 PM) run the ball every time on first and second with zero sucess
azjetfan Icon : (Yesterday, 09:36 PM) Out D is no where near as good as it should be under Bowles. I'm not sure why. I guess it's easy to blame Bowles but the bend and don't break philosophy isn't working
azjetfan Icon : (Yesterday, 09:39 PM) They should ban that pick play.
MikeGangGree... Icon : (Yesterday, 11:54 PM) As bad as we have played lately we are still a better coached team without Rex. Rex still has no clue how to manage the clock
MikeGangGree... Icon : (Today, 12:03 AM) See. Can't manage the clock
vjdbbq Icon : (Today, 08:05 AM) Hello Rob
vjdbbq Icon : (Today, 08:06 AM) They cut coples to save money in case he got hurt practicing since he hardly played ; a business move .
Jetsfan115 Icon : (Today, 12:58 PM) our D was better with shit CBs last year. rex is just better at calling a defense then bowles
Jetsfan115 Icon : (Today, 12:58 PM) hopefully milliner comes back. where has mcdougle been? revis hurt and cro hurt
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Roger Goodell's Secret Relocation Plans Some good humor

#1 User is offline   azjetfan Icon

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Posted 07 August 2013 - 01:52 PM



You probably suspect that the NFL has private files describing several possible relocation scenarios -- teams in London, Los Angeles, Toronto and so on. That's just the tip of a very dark, detailed iceberg, as we've recently discovered. Below, for the first time anywhere, is Roger Goodell's working plan to relocate every single team off North America.



As previously discussed at the opening party for Mr. Irsay's ill-advised kosher barbecue restaurant, "Bris-Ket," my office has begun to assemble provisional dispersion protocols for each franchise in the event of widespread natural disaster, foreign invasion or a prolonged labor holdout. Assigned locations are subject to change with the state of world affairs at any time. Naturally, I must stress the utmost need for this document to remain secret.


R.S. Goodell, Commissioner


Cincinnati Bengals -> Kenya. Continued economic expansion and the national soccer team's tendency to run afoul of FIFA augur great opportunity for the NFL. Hard Knocks has already mentioned an entire episode centering around a thirsty Andrew Whitworth drinking 1/3 of Lake Victoria.

Jacksonville Jaguars -> East London, South Africa. Finance desk estimates the team would save $2-3 million on repurposed London Jaguars paraphernalia already printed and in storage.

New York Giants -> Madagascar. Research desk showed other markets would be a more natural fit, but this is Eli Manning's favorite movie.

Oakland Raiders -> Somalia. "Bloodthirsty, lawless and remorseless." These were the terms the Somali pirates used to describe Oakland's fanbase, but we have assured them this behavior can be toned down.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers -> Egypt. At the request of the Department of State, we have slotted the Bucs here in the hopes that ongoing political strife is replaced by a collective displeasure with Josh Freeman's play.


Baltimore Ravens -> India. Coach Harbaugh the Elder assured our office that control of rival nuclear powers was the inevitable endgame to his sibling rivalry. We see no reason to interfere with destiny.

Chicago Bears -> Russia. Occam's razor, gentlemen.

Cleveland Browns -> North Korea. The regime's history of media fabrications means we are the closest we will ever be to a "BROWNS WIN SUPER BOWL" headline.

Denver Broncos -> Kazakhstan. Region where some of the first horses were domesticated by man; also have no existing Papa John's franchises in-country.

Green Bay Packers -> Israel. That first Lambeau Leap over the Wailing Wall will be part of the Sunday Night Football montage for years to come.

Pittsburgh Steelers -> South Korea. Markets desk predicts continued growth in this, the world's sixth-largest producer of steel. Also preserves rivalry with North Korea Browns.

San Francisco 49ers -> Pakistan. Coach Harbaugh the Younger concurred with his brother.

St. Louis Rams -> Japan. Legal desk has assured me that we are unlikely to be held liable for the mistaken belief on the part of the Japanese that Jeff Fisher is actually "Silver Tom Selleck."


Seattle Seahawks -> Australia. An unusual clause in Pete Carroll's contract requires any relocation of the team to be to a "shirt-optional" region. Contingent on ensuring that "beast mode" does not refer to some bizarre Australian coital configuration.


Arizona Cardinals -> Spain. High unemployment rate means team will be able to try a different running back every week. It was also determined that Larry Fitzgerald deserved to have something good happen to him, for once.

Detroit Lions -> Greece. Bankruptcy jibes aside, media desk shows astoundingly positive test audience reaction to an untitled reality show centered around what happens when Matthew Stafford is the richest person in an entire country.

Houston Texans -> Poland. In every military simulation NATO ran, J.J. Watt was the only countermeasure that consistently prevented the occupation of Warsaw.

Indianapolis Colts -> Belgium. The world's only other mayonnaise-based economy.

New England Patriots -> Romania. Special request by Bill Belichick, who wants to spend more time with his 800-year-old family avoiding the sunlight and feeding on townsfolk.

New Orleans Saints -> France. If Pierre Thomas' parents had named him Pyotr, this could have been a different result. Thirty-five-hour work week also ensures there is no time to organize illegal bounties.

New York Jets -> Italy. The Italians love leaders who are brash, stout and sexually deviant, so Prime Minister Rex Ryan is a real possibility. Economics desk also determined that Mark Sanchez's skill set fits country's traditional industry, Men Standing Around In Suits With Nice Hair, perfectly.

Washington Redskins -> Great Britain. Marketing has assembled a separate planning document laying out a six-month campaign focused on Robert Griffin III, the Royal QB. Historical desk is looking into possible background sources of peerage for Mr. Griffin.


Atlanta Falcons -> Peru. Correcting public misperception that Colombia, and not her southerly neighbor, is still the world's largest cocaine producer will be priority one in our "Modern World of Coke" launch.

Dallas Cowboys -> Brazil. Office of the U.S. Ambassador to Brazil notified us that the country was in serious need of a leader with experience in constructing expensive venues that provide little or no benefit to surrounding communities, and Mr. Jones graciously conceded.

Miami Dolphins -> Argentina. A natural transition, as the team will still find itself enjoying good weather, vibrant culture, and a fanbase dotted with unextradited criminals.

Minnesota Vikings -> Nicaragua. Legal desk has learned that a clause of every contract signed by musical artist Prince is that the Vikings only be allowed to relocate to a country flying a flag that contains the color purple. While some owners have suggested this condition could be ignored in the event of Prince's death, we are unwilling to risk death at the hands of Undead Prince, sensual though it would be.

San Diego Chargers -> Easter Island, Chile. Chargers are in desperate need for help along the offensive line, so this move is made in the interest of parity.


Carolina Panthers -> ?. We have yet to find a country willing to take in Jimmy Clausen.

Buffalo Bills -> ?. Ownership continues to reject several appealing options; we suspect they may be attempting to keep the team where it is in the event of a North American catastrophe in order to collect an insurance payout.

Kansas City Chiefs -> ?. Logistics desk cannot guarantee Andy Reid will bring the team to the airport in time to make their flight, especially if they're checking bags.

Tennessee Titans -> ?. Just keep forgetting to do this one. Commissioners are imperfect, at times.


This office has compiled 1,733 doomsday scenarios which would require implementation of the above geographic redistribution. In all of them, the doomsday event was caused by the Philadelphia Eagles and/or their supporters.

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