NYJetsFan.com Forums: Roger Goodell's Secret Relocation Plans - NYJetsFan.com Forums

Jump to content

Toggle shoutbox NYJETSFAN BANTER

OC Chan Gailey Retires
Jetsfan115 Icon : (28 December 2016 - 02:52 PM) rex runs a good defense
santana Icon : (28 December 2016 - 08:29 PM) not lately
Jetsfan115 Icon : (30 December 2016 - 03:33 PM) bills players said they were basically too dumb to understand it lol
Jetsfan115 Icon : (30 December 2016 - 03:33 PM) he ran a good one for us
Jetsfan115 Icon : (30 December 2016 - 03:34 PM) Darrelle Revis: Jets should show class and retain me
Jetsfan115 Icon : (30 December 2016 - 03:34 PM) where was his class when he held out twice and forced us to trade him lol
NJAzrael71 Icon : (30 December 2016 - 03:36 PM) Mevis showed hius LACK of class with that busllshit comment
MikeGangGree... Icon : (01 January 2017 - 01:40 PM) Lets start 2017 with a Win
MikeGangGree... Icon : (01 January 2017 - 01:41 PM) Hack should be playing
MikeGangGree... Icon : (01 January 2017 - 03:39 PM) wooooo5-11
MikeGangGree... Icon : (01 January 2017 - 04:00 PM) J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS!
MikeGangGree... Icon : (01 January 2017 - 05:56 PM) OK so Bill O brien and Sean Payton might get fired according to Fox this morning
MikeGangGree... Icon : (01 January 2017 - 05:56 PM) I would do anything to get one of them as OC
santana Icon : (02 January 2017 - 02:19 PM) texans coach? i doubt he gets fired
santana Icon : (02 January 2017 - 02:19 PM) but he would be ideal if the jets were to flush bowles out
santana Icon : (02 January 2017 - 04:36 PM) http://www.nj.com/je...trol_of_je.html
azjetfan Icon : (05 January 2017 - 09:54 PM) Sean Payton will get another HC gig. Obrien would be good.
azjetfan Icon : (09 January 2017 - 11:18 PM) Howard from Alabama seems legit. #88 TE
azjetfan Icon : (09 January 2017 - 11:20 PM) Williams the WR from Clemson looks like they are out to get him. He has taken some huge hits
vjdbbq Icon : (10 January 2017 - 07:12 AM) We'll take Williams in the first round .
Chadforpresi... Icon : (10 January 2017 - 10:48 AM) I'd love Howard in the 2nd round if he's still there. I like Williams a lot as well, but I just don't see WR being big enough of a need, and there should be better talent on the board at 6
Jetsfan115 Icon : (10 January 2017 - 07:21 PM) Raiders OC Musgrave not expected to return to OAK. what do you think about getting him? he did wonders with the oakland offense this year
Chadforpresi... Icon : (10 January 2017 - 07:39 PM) Definitely an appealing choice given with his history of progressing Carr. We need someone with a track record of grooming young QBs
MikeGangGree... Icon : (12 January 2017 - 12:36 PM) I want Watson now! after what he did Monday night I'm sold on him at QB. He moved the ball all night on Alabama and after hurts scored that TD he just told his team "Lets end this"
Jetsfan115 Icon : (12 January 2017 - 06:31 PM) An Ohio prosecutor says he wants to know what punishment Cincinnati Bengals player Adam "Pacman" Jones faces from the NFL before deciding how to proceed over Jones' latest arrest, Dan Sewell of the Associated Press reports..

Hamilton County Prosecutor Joe Deters tells WKRC-TV he's asking "what is the normal" for a player with multiple offenses and who's been suspended before.

An NFL spokesman said on Thursday that Jones' case is "under review" and declined to comment further.

Jones was jailed Jan. 3 on charges he head-butted police and spit on a nurse after his arrest for assault. Authorities say he was so combative he had to be placed in a restraint chair.

Jones says he anticipates the charges will be dismissed.
Jetsfan115 Icon : (12 January 2017 - 06:32 PM) we wont get watson. he's going 1st overall to the browns
azjetfan Icon : (12 January 2017 - 09:06 PM) Is Watson a product of Clemson's staff and supporting cast? Taj Boyd also put up some decent numbers if I remember correctly but he couldn't even make a scout team in the NFL.
azjetfan Icon : (12 January 2017 - 09:11 PM) From what I have read (although limited) he is not the highest ranked QB in the draft.
azjetfan Icon : (12 January 2017 - 09:11 PM) "No quarterback in this draft -- not Mitch Trubisky, not Watson, not DeShone Kizer -- is considered a sure thing. The folks at Scouts Inc. rank Trubisky, Watson and Kizer as the 21st, 38th and 46th prospects on their big board, respectively." ESPN
azjetfan Icon : (12 January 2017 - 09:12 PM) If we can get a decent return for Richardson we may be able to make a move into the mid teens to early 20s if the Brass really likes Watson.
azjetfan Icon : (12 January 2017 - 09:13 PM) Personally I don't think the jets have a clue on who they will take. We still have to hit FA and manage our roster
azjetfan Icon : (12 January 2017 - 11:46 PM) Jets to interview Broncos assistant Studesville for OC
Jetsfan115 Icon : (13 January 2017 - 01:28 PM) Why? seems like a weird choice
Jetsfan115 Icon : (13 January 2017 - 01:29 PM) Leonard Williams replacing Khalil Mack in Pro Bowl
Chadforpresi... Icon : (13 January 2017 - 09:49 PM) I'm not buying Watson, even after that championship game. Dude threw too many picks in his day
Chadforpresi... Icon : (13 January 2017 - 09:49 PM) I'm really curious to see what we get for Richardson, but I have a bad feeling his value is at an all time low between his crap season and bad attitude
azjetfan Icon : (14 January 2017 - 12:16 AM) I agree. He is a first round talent but a fourth round headache. We will be lucky to get a 2nd
Chadforpresi... Icon : (14 January 2017 - 08:41 AM) Yeah precisely. 2nd rounder would be a huge stretch. 3rd or 4th is more likely
vjdbbq Icon : (14 January 2017 - 02:18 PM) Send Sheldon someplace he will never see the playoffs ; like Jacksonville ; then he will have time to find da ho's .
azjetfan Icon : (14 January 2017 - 07:25 PM) R Sherman is getting torched by the Falcons.
vjdbbq Icon : (16 January 2017 - 09:37 AM) Pats vs Pitt - root for injuries
Jetsfan115 Icon : (16 January 2017 - 12:36 PM) GB-ATL game is gonna be a hell of a shootout. that throw rodgers made on 3rd and 20 with 12 seconds left in a tied game was ridiculous. 35 yards rolling out to his left a perfect placed ball on the sideline.
azjetfan Icon : (16 January 2017 - 10:50 PM) Winters resigned to 4 year deal. $7 million per year
Chadforpresi... Icon : (16 January 2017 - 10:51 PM) Seems like a slightly steep price but overall cool with it, he's turned into a good player and is still young. Just needs to stay healthy.
Jetsfan115 Icon : (Yesterday, 04:12 PM) seems like a good deal. they were saying he could have earned over 8 million in the open market
Resize Shouts Area

Page 1 of 1
  • You cannot start a new topic
  • You cannot reply to this topic

Roger Goodell's Secret Relocation Plans Some good humor

#1 User is offline   azjetfan Icon

  • D Coordinator
  • Icon
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 3,203
  • Joined: 30-March 05
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Cheese Land Baby
  • Interests:Football, golf, banking and home improvements

  • NFL Team:

Posted 07 August 2013 - 01:52 PM

http://www.sbnation....jaguars-raiders



Quote

You probably suspect that the NFL has private files describing several possible relocation scenarios -- teams in London, Los Angeles, Toronto and so on. That's just the tip of a very dark, detailed iceberg, as we've recently discovered. Below, for the first time anywhere, is Roger Goodell's working plan to relocate every single team off North America.



FOR OWNERSHIP EYES ONLY

Gentlemen,

As previously discussed at the opening party for Mr. Irsay's ill-advised kosher barbecue restaurant, "Bris-Ket," my office has begun to assemble provisional dispersion protocols for each franchise in the event of widespread natural disaster, foreign invasion or a prolonged labor holdout. Assigned locations are subject to change with the state of world affairs at any time. Naturally, I must stress the utmost need for this document to remain secret.

Respectfully,

R.S. Goodell, Commissioner

AFRICA

Cincinnati Bengals -> Kenya. Continued economic expansion and the national soccer team's tendency to run afoul of FIFA augur great opportunity for the NFL. Hard Knocks has already mentioned an entire episode centering around a thirsty Andrew Whitworth drinking 1/3 of Lake Victoria.

Jacksonville Jaguars -> East London, South Africa. Finance desk estimates the team would save $2-3 million on repurposed London Jaguars paraphernalia already printed and in storage.

New York Giants -> Madagascar. Research desk showed other markets would be a more natural fit, but this is Eli Manning's favorite movie.

Oakland Raiders -> Somalia. "Bloodthirsty, lawless and remorseless." These were the terms the Somali pirates used to describe Oakland's fanbase, but we have assured them this behavior can be toned down.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers -> Egypt. At the request of the Department of State, we have slotted the Bucs here in the hopes that ongoing political strife is replaced by a collective displeasure with Josh Freeman's play.

ASIA

Baltimore Ravens -> India. Coach Harbaugh the Elder assured our office that control of rival nuclear powers was the inevitable endgame to his sibling rivalry. We see no reason to interfere with destiny.

Chicago Bears -> Russia. Occam's razor, gentlemen.

Cleveland Browns -> North Korea. The regime's history of media fabrications means we are the closest we will ever be to a "BROWNS WIN SUPER BOWL" headline.

Denver Broncos -> Kazakhstan. Region where some of the first horses were domesticated by man; also have no existing Papa John's franchises in-country.

Green Bay Packers -> Israel. That first Lambeau Leap over the Wailing Wall will be part of the Sunday Night Football montage for years to come.

Pittsburgh Steelers -> South Korea. Markets desk predicts continued growth in this, the world's sixth-largest producer of steel. Also preserves rivalry with North Korea Browns.

San Francisco 49ers -> Pakistan. Coach Harbaugh the Younger concurred with his brother.

St. Louis Rams -> Japan. Legal desk has assured me that we are unlikely to be held liable for the mistaken belief on the part of the Japanese that Jeff Fisher is actually "Silver Tom Selleck."

AUSTRALIA

Seattle Seahawks -> Australia. An unusual clause in Pete Carroll's contract requires any relocation of the team to be to a "shirt-optional" region. Contingent on ensuring that "beast mode" does not refer to some bizarre Australian coital configuration.

EUROPE

Arizona Cardinals -> Spain. High unemployment rate means team will be able to try a different running back every week. It was also determined that Larry Fitzgerald deserved to have something good happen to him, for once.

Detroit Lions -> Greece. Bankruptcy jibes aside, media desk shows astoundingly positive test audience reaction to an untitled reality show centered around what happens when Matthew Stafford is the richest person in an entire country.

Houston Texans -> Poland. In every military simulation NATO ran, J.J. Watt was the only countermeasure that consistently prevented the occupation of Warsaw.

Indianapolis Colts -> Belgium. The world's only other mayonnaise-based economy.

New England Patriots -> Romania. Special request by Bill Belichick, who wants to spend more time with his 800-year-old family avoiding the sunlight and feeding on townsfolk.

New Orleans Saints -> France. If Pierre Thomas' parents had named him Pyotr, this could have been a different result. Thirty-five-hour work week also ensures there is no time to organize illegal bounties.

New York Jets -> Italy. The Italians love leaders who are brash, stout and sexually deviant, so Prime Minister Rex Ryan is a real possibility. Economics desk also determined that Mark Sanchez's skill set fits country's traditional industry, Men Standing Around In Suits With Nice Hair, perfectly.

Washington Redskins -> Great Britain. Marketing has assembled a separate planning document laying out a six-month campaign focused on Robert Griffin III, the Royal QB. Historical desk is looking into possible background sources of peerage for Mr. Griffin.

CENTRAL/SOUTH AMERICA

Atlanta Falcons -> Peru. Correcting public misperception that Colombia, and not her southerly neighbor, is still the world's largest cocaine producer will be priority one in our "Modern World of Coke" launch.

Dallas Cowboys -> Brazil. Office of the U.S. Ambassador to Brazil notified us that the country was in serious need of a leader with experience in constructing expensive venues that provide little or no benefit to surrounding communities, and Mr. Jones graciously conceded.

Miami Dolphins -> Argentina. A natural transition, as the team will still find itself enjoying good weather, vibrant culture, and a fanbase dotted with unextradited criminals.

Minnesota Vikings -> Nicaragua. Legal desk has learned that a clause of every contract signed by musical artist Prince is that the Vikings only be allowed to relocate to a country flying a flag that contains the color purple. While some owners have suggested this condition could be ignored in the event of Prince's death, we are unwilling to risk death at the hands of Undead Prince, sensual though it would be.

San Diego Chargers -> Easter Island, Chile. Chargers are in desperate need for help along the offensive line, so this move is made in the interest of parity.

YET TO BE PLACED

Carolina Panthers -> ?. We have yet to find a country willing to take in Jimmy Clausen.

Buffalo Bills -> ?. Ownership continues to reject several appealing options; we suspect they may be attempting to keep the team where it is in the event of a North American catastrophe in order to collect an insurance payout.

Kansas City Chiefs -> ?. Logistics desk cannot guarantee Andy Reid will bring the team to the airport in time to make their flight, especially if they're checking bags.

Tennessee Titans -> ?. Just keep forgetting to do this one. Commissioners are imperfect, at times.

RELOCATION NOT APPLICABLE

This office has compiled 1,733 doomsday scenarios which would require implementation of the above geographic redistribution. In all of them, the doomsday event was caused by the Philadelphia Eagles and/or their supporters.

Posted Image
0

Page 1 of 1
  • You cannot start a new topic
  • You cannot reply to this topic

1 User(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users