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9:30Am Jets vs Fish over in England. U wot m8?
Smedsthejet Icon : (27 September 2015 - 03:25 PM) That was ugly
Smedsthejet Icon : (27 September 2015 - 03:26 PM) Hopefully the team can put on a better show next week in London!
ganggreen2003 Icon : (27 September 2015 - 04:06 PM) the only positive is that the loss was to a NON conference team
ganggreen2003 Icon : (27 September 2015 - 04:06 PM) but that was such a hard game to watch with the O being non-existent for 3/4 of the game
ganggreen2003 Icon : (27 September 2015 - 04:07 PM) and WTF was Marshall thinking when he pitched it
ganggreen2003 Icon : (27 September 2015 - 06:22 PM) Time to SQUISH THE FISH in the Land of Fish 'n Chips next Sunday
ganggreen2003 Icon : (27 September 2015 - 06:23 PM) Dolphins got their teeth knocked in by Buffalo
ganggreen2003 Icon : (27 September 2015 - 06:32 PM) Is everyone so embarrassed with this Loss that they aren't bothering logging on?
ganggreen2003 Icon : (27 September 2015 - 06:32 PM) Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
MikeGangGree... Icon : (27 September 2015 - 07:05 PM) f*** US
MikeGangGree... Icon : (27 September 2015 - 07:23 PM) AHHHHHHH the jets are 1-4 when I go see them but the Giants are 4-0 when I see them!!!!
MikeGangGree... Icon : (27 September 2015 - 07:23 PM) why of why!!!!!!!
Jetsfan115 Icon : (28 September 2015 - 11:07 AM) i was too pissed after the game.
azjetfan Icon : (28 September 2015 - 01:53 PM) I'm not to worried after one loss. The Eagles were mere prepared and just out performed us. They are not the better team. Hopefully this can be a wake up call for us going to play the Phinz.
azjetfan Icon : (28 September 2015 - 01:54 PM) I still see us as a 9-10 win team. Us making the playoffs will be dependent on how the wild card shoes up. Pats look amazing so far. Better than last year
Jetsfan115 Icon : (28 September 2015 - 02:17 PM) yeah i think we are still a playoff team. the AFC isn't looking too strong. the pats look by far the best in the NFL bout outside of them, indy, denver, bal, all don't look good.
Jetsfan115 Icon : (28 September 2015 - 02:17 PM) pitt lost ben, could cost them the divison
Jetsfan115 Icon : (28 September 2015 - 02:18 PM) right now it's den, indy, cincy, and NE to take the divisons and we'll be fighting for WC spots with pitt, oak, buff, and KC. I don't think Oak is good enough to win more then 7 games so us, buff, pitt and KC will be fighting for 2 spots IMO
ROBJETS Icon : (28 September 2015 - 02:28 PM) Steelers could be out with the qb injury. I dont expect him back anytime soon. he is tough though so who knows maybe they will shoot him up with pain killers in the knee and fit him with a steel knee brace. The Raiders dont look bad either and The Chargers have a history of pulling a rabbit out of their a$$ in December.
ROBJETS Icon : (28 September 2015 - 02:32 PM) The Raiders may be a question mark but Carr is good and they have a legit rb. The only ones Im counting out right now are the Browns. Titans, Jags, Ravens, Texans, Dolphins in the AFC. to early to tell for the rest of the teams
Jetsman05 Icon : (28 September 2015 - 03:09 PM) painkillers and a steel brace
Jetsman05 Icon : (28 September 2015 - 03:09 PM) f*** ya
Jetsfan115 Icon : (28 September 2015 - 03:21 PM) bionic knee, make him robo-ben
ROBJETS Icon : (28 September 2015 - 03:47 PM) Yeah its not likely to happen but I'm pretty sure Ben has wore those steeal knee braces before and played. I'm sure you have seen them. Even a few running backs have used them. They basically only let the knee pivot back and not forward or to the sides. They do limit some range of motion but if its a sprain he can uses a brace and play if he can trot or run at all without damaging it further
ROBJETS Icon : (28 September 2015 - 04:02 PM) I actually have one of those steel pivot braces myself but its older and nowhere advanced as what they where in the NFL. I sprained my knee like 6 or 7 years back and the brace I have is two steel bars connected to a circular steel pivot. One on each side of the brace. Covered in padding that goes completely around the knee. The pad it self is is padded and a stretchable material around the steel and it has steel rung that Velcro straps fit through then strap to the Velcro in front. Its made to wear on bare skin or over pants. On bare skin its more stable but your skin gets raw in just one day. Works so so over pants and doesnt cause the skin to get sore but also the brace moves around some.
ROBJETS Icon : (28 September 2015 - 04:08 PM) They actually work really good. My right knee hurt like hell and was limping when I took off the brace but when I wore it most of the pain went away and I could even run with it on as long as I didn't tweak my knee to the sides at all. they work really good but aren't perfect. Just saying that they do help so if Ben has any mobility and can put normal weight on his knee he can play with a brace
azjetfan Icon : (28 September 2015 - 06:54 PM) I see Rob is writing books in the banter again
azjetfan Icon : (28 September 2015 - 06:55 PM) meanwhile the Bears are having a fire sale. Do they have a RT
ROBJETS Icon : (28 September 2015 - 07:05 PM) Well I sure hope he comes back soon. Im screwed. Down to Palmer in a 2 qb active each week money league. Lost Coleman Falcons rb to broken ribs, have Eddie Lacy Banged up. Drafted Gurley as a backup but he isn't playing yet. 4 max rb`s per team So screwed on rbs.Tried to start Crowell didnt work out to well..... 3 max qb`s per team Roethlesburger and Romo are down. started 201 until this week I lost bad. And for the forseeable future my team is f*cked
ROBJETS Icon : (28 September 2015 - 07:06 PM) meant 2-0 until this week now 2-1 and probably going on a losing streak
Jetsfan0099 Icon : (28 September 2015 - 09:03 PM) 1 more game until we get Sheldon Richardson back on the DL, IMO hes our best defensive linemen.
Jetsfan0099 Icon : (28 September 2015 - 09:04 PM) Ryan Fitzpatrick is awful, constantly underthrowing on the deep passes. WRs would have a step and have to go backwards for it
Jetsfan0099 Icon : (28 September 2015 - 09:04 PM) Fitzpatrick is a quality backup, but shouldn't be starting for a full season
MikeGangGree... Icon : (29 September 2015 - 10:58 AM) I think we need Rich back big time
ROBJETS Icon : (29 September 2015 - 03:41 PM) Yeah we do but the defense took the Eagles offense to lightly as shown by shutting them down after they were up 24-7. We need Decker and Ivory back more. Especially Decker so Marshall isn't double and triple teamed
ROBJETS Icon : (29 September 2015 - 03:42 PM) With Decker back it will open up the run game and screen pass runs more even if we don't have Ivory. After Marshall none of the other Wr's are consistent
ROBJETS Icon : (29 September 2015 - 03:46 PM) And I was right and wrong about Ben . I thought he had a knee brace on before playing qb in the NFL but it apparently was another qb. On NFL Live they say Ben is out estimated 4-6 weeks but he said he will be wearing one of those braces I mentioned and said he never wore one before. As long as he doesn't tweak the knee by lie hits or from sacks he should be fine Abington with a brace when he comes back
ROBJETS Icon : (29 September 2015 - 03:46 PM) Meant low hits
ROBJETS Icon : (29 September 2015 - 03:47 PM) And playing not Abington....damn auto correct on iPad
Jetsfan0099 Icon : (30 September 2015 - 12:15 PM) We should be getting Eric Decker back this week
santana Icon : (01 October 2015 - 07:39 PM) VICK = $$
santana Icon : (01 October 2015 - 10:49 PM) Tucker = $$
Jetsfan0099 Icon : (02 October 2015 - 11:13 AM) Ivory is full go for this week, big news
Jetsfan0099 Icon : (02 October 2015 - 11:13 AM) Hopefully Decker can play as well
MikeGangGree... Icon : (02 October 2015 - 03:32 PM) We need Decker
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Roger Goodell's Secret Relocation Plans Some good humor

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Posted 07 August 2013 - 01:52 PM



You probably suspect that the NFL has private files describing several possible relocation scenarios -- teams in London, Los Angeles, Toronto and so on. That's just the tip of a very dark, detailed iceberg, as we've recently discovered. Below, for the first time anywhere, is Roger Goodell's working plan to relocate every single team off North America.



As previously discussed at the opening party for Mr. Irsay's ill-advised kosher barbecue restaurant, "Bris-Ket," my office has begun to assemble provisional dispersion protocols for each franchise in the event of widespread natural disaster, foreign invasion or a prolonged labor holdout. Assigned locations are subject to change with the state of world affairs at any time. Naturally, I must stress the utmost need for this document to remain secret.


R.S. Goodell, Commissioner


Cincinnati Bengals -> Kenya. Continued economic expansion and the national soccer team's tendency to run afoul of FIFA augur great opportunity for the NFL. Hard Knocks has already mentioned an entire episode centering around a thirsty Andrew Whitworth drinking 1/3 of Lake Victoria.

Jacksonville Jaguars -> East London, South Africa. Finance desk estimates the team would save $2-3 million on repurposed London Jaguars paraphernalia already printed and in storage.

New York Giants -> Madagascar. Research desk showed other markets would be a more natural fit, but this is Eli Manning's favorite movie.

Oakland Raiders -> Somalia. "Bloodthirsty, lawless and remorseless." These were the terms the Somali pirates used to describe Oakland's fanbase, but we have assured them this behavior can be toned down.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers -> Egypt. At the request of the Department of State, we have slotted the Bucs here in the hopes that ongoing political strife is replaced by a collective displeasure with Josh Freeman's play.


Baltimore Ravens -> India. Coach Harbaugh the Elder assured our office that control of rival nuclear powers was the inevitable endgame to his sibling rivalry. We see no reason to interfere with destiny.

Chicago Bears -> Russia. Occam's razor, gentlemen.

Cleveland Browns -> North Korea. The regime's history of media fabrications means we are the closest we will ever be to a "BROWNS WIN SUPER BOWL" headline.

Denver Broncos -> Kazakhstan. Region where some of the first horses were domesticated by man; also have no existing Papa John's franchises in-country.

Green Bay Packers -> Israel. That first Lambeau Leap over the Wailing Wall will be part of the Sunday Night Football montage for years to come.

Pittsburgh Steelers -> South Korea. Markets desk predicts continued growth in this, the world's sixth-largest producer of steel. Also preserves rivalry with North Korea Browns.

San Francisco 49ers -> Pakistan. Coach Harbaugh the Younger concurred with his brother.

St. Louis Rams -> Japan. Legal desk has assured me that we are unlikely to be held liable for the mistaken belief on the part of the Japanese that Jeff Fisher is actually "Silver Tom Selleck."


Seattle Seahawks -> Australia. An unusual clause in Pete Carroll's contract requires any relocation of the team to be to a "shirt-optional" region. Contingent on ensuring that "beast mode" does not refer to some bizarre Australian coital configuration.


Arizona Cardinals -> Spain. High unemployment rate means team will be able to try a different running back every week. It was also determined that Larry Fitzgerald deserved to have something good happen to him, for once.

Detroit Lions -> Greece. Bankruptcy jibes aside, media desk shows astoundingly positive test audience reaction to an untitled reality show centered around what happens when Matthew Stafford is the richest person in an entire country.

Houston Texans -> Poland. In every military simulation NATO ran, J.J. Watt was the only countermeasure that consistently prevented the occupation of Warsaw.

Indianapolis Colts -> Belgium. The world's only other mayonnaise-based economy.

New England Patriots -> Romania. Special request by Bill Belichick, who wants to spend more time with his 800-year-old family avoiding the sunlight and feeding on townsfolk.

New Orleans Saints -> France. If Pierre Thomas' parents had named him Pyotr, this could have been a different result. Thirty-five-hour work week also ensures there is no time to organize illegal bounties.

New York Jets -> Italy. The Italians love leaders who are brash, stout and sexually deviant, so Prime Minister Rex Ryan is a real possibility. Economics desk also determined that Mark Sanchez's skill set fits country's traditional industry, Men Standing Around In Suits With Nice Hair, perfectly.

Washington Redskins -> Great Britain. Marketing has assembled a separate planning document laying out a six-month campaign focused on Robert Griffin III, the Royal QB. Historical desk is looking into possible background sources of peerage for Mr. Griffin.


Atlanta Falcons -> Peru. Correcting public misperception that Colombia, and not her southerly neighbor, is still the world's largest cocaine producer will be priority one in our "Modern World of Coke" launch.

Dallas Cowboys -> Brazil. Office of the U.S. Ambassador to Brazil notified us that the country was in serious need of a leader with experience in constructing expensive venues that provide little or no benefit to surrounding communities, and Mr. Jones graciously conceded.

Miami Dolphins -> Argentina. A natural transition, as the team will still find itself enjoying good weather, vibrant culture, and a fanbase dotted with unextradited criminals.

Minnesota Vikings -> Nicaragua. Legal desk has learned that a clause of every contract signed by musical artist Prince is that the Vikings only be allowed to relocate to a country flying a flag that contains the color purple. While some owners have suggested this condition could be ignored in the event of Prince's death, we are unwilling to risk death at the hands of Undead Prince, sensual though it would be.

San Diego Chargers -> Easter Island, Chile. Chargers are in desperate need for help along the offensive line, so this move is made in the interest of parity.


Carolina Panthers -> ?. We have yet to find a country willing to take in Jimmy Clausen.

Buffalo Bills -> ?. Ownership continues to reject several appealing options; we suspect they may be attempting to keep the team where it is in the event of a North American catastrophe in order to collect an insurance payout.

Kansas City Chiefs -> ?. Logistics desk cannot guarantee Andy Reid will bring the team to the airport in time to make their flight, especially if they're checking bags.

Tennessee Titans -> ?. Just keep forgetting to do this one. Commissioners are imperfect, at times.


This office has compiled 1,733 doomsday scenarios which would require implementation of the above geographic redistribution. In all of them, the doomsday event was caused by the Philadelphia Eagles and/or their supporters.

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