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Jets 0-2 vs bills this year. Does Rex Ryan survive the year?
Jetsfan0099 Icon : (Yesterday, 08:55 AM) Like how do you get blown out by a team that didn't practice while you had 2 weeks to prepare?
Jetsfan0099 Icon : (Yesterday, 08:55 AM) That kind of stuff may force Woody to make the big changes and fire everyone
Jetsfan0099 Icon : (Yesterday, 08:55 AM) John Idzik has handled the QB situation terribly. 2 times he pretty much handed the job to his draft pick
Jetsfan0099 Icon : (Yesterday, 08:56 AM) Besides Sheldon Richardson, his drafts have been awful.
Jetsfan0099 Icon : (Yesterday, 08:57 AM) Maybe Woody will clean house and go all out for Jim Harbaugh, that probably won't happen though but it would be a franchise changer.
HarlemHxC814 Icon : (Yesterday, 10:07 AM) Harbaugh would be amazing...but because it makes sense it won't be done
HarlemHxC814 Icon : (Yesterday, 10:51 AM) According to Manish Mehta of the New York Daily News, the Jets blocked coach Rex Ryan from talking to Mehta about a bye-week visit to his ailing father, legendary NFL defensive guru Buddy Ryan. Buddy, who rose to prominence as defensive coordinator of the ’85 Bears and then coached the Eagles and Cardinals, is battling cancer.
HarlemHxC814 Icon : (Yesterday, 10:52 AM) Mehta interprets the muzzling of Rex Ryan as proof positive that, once the season ends, Ryan will no longer be the team’s head coach. Apparently, the team fears that Rex would become more sympathetic in the eyes of the fan base if he’s dumped by the team at a time when his father is fighting a serious illness.
santana Icon : (Yesterday, 11:05 AM) Mehta is an idiot
santana Icon : (Yesterday, 11:25 AM) If colt McCoy lights it up do the jets make a move?
HarlemHxC814 Icon : (Yesterday, 11:27 AM) I don't even care what they do for a while
HarlemHxC814 Icon : (Yesterday, 11:28 AM) The team is a catastrophe
santana Icon : (Yesterday, 11:29 AM) I didn't see the game
santana Icon : (Yesterday, 11:29 AM) I remember the first bills game though I'm guessing it was like that with more sleeping in the end zone
HarlemHxC814 Icon : (Yesterday, 11:32 AM) I'm with 0099...I hope they keep getting destroyed
Chaos Icon : (Yesterday, 11:33 AM) it's a very Jets-esque move to sign McCoy if he does well
HarlemHxC814 Icon : (Yesterday, 11:53 AM) I think they sign RGIII, Cutler, or Bradford
santana Icon : (Yesterday, 12:10 PM) why not all three
HarlemHxC814 Icon : (Yesterday, 12:11 PM) Knowing this team, I wouldn't put that past them
HarlemHxC814 Icon : (Yesterday, 02:07 PM) RAUL FOR QB
santana Icon : (Yesterday, 02:10 PM) the only real choice
santana Icon : (Yesterday, 02:10 PM) almost uefa time
HarlemHxC814 Icon : (Yesterday, 02:11 PM) RAUL>SMITHSIAH, JUST ACCEPT IT
HarlemHxC814 Icon : (Yesterday, 02:22 PM) FIRE IZDICK
santana Icon : (Yesterday, 04:07 PM) Rocking the atletico kit today 4-0 THE RAUL INFLUENCE
HarlemHxC814 Icon : (Yesterday, 04:15 PM) Haha you should make that into some kind of logo and put it in your sig
HarlemHxC814 Icon : (Yesterday, 04:15 PM) Sig***
HarlemHxC814 Icon : (Yesterday, 04:19 PM) TEH RAUL INFLUENCE
santana Icon : (Yesterday, 04:29 PM) LUDOGRETS
santana Icon : (Yesterday, 04:34 PM) LUDOGORETS
MikeGangGree... Icon : (Yesterday, 08:29 PM) TEH IZDIK
MikeGangGree... Icon : (Yesterday, 08:29 PM) SUCK
MikeGangGree... Icon : (Yesterday, 08:29 PM) FOR
MikeGangGree... Icon : (Yesterday, 08:29 PM) THE
MikeGangGree... Icon : (Yesterday, 08:29 PM) DUCK
Mr_Jet Icon : (Yesterday, 09:32 PM) One of these days one of you are going to type it too fast and say "Suck the Duck".
HarlemHxC814 Icon : (Yesterday, 09:41 PM) Hahaha
Jetsfan0099 Icon : (Yesterday, 10:45 PM) FIRE IDZIK
HarlemHxC814 Icon : (Today, 02:04 AM) TEH POINT
Chaos Icon : (Today, 11:14 AM) happy thanksgiving everyone!
ganggreen2003 Icon : (Today, 04:53 PM) I hope Dirty Sanchez gets beat by the Cowgirls even though I would prefer to see a tie so neither team wins
Jetsfan0099 Icon : (Today, 05:00 PM) Look at what a great system can do for a QB, Sanchez looks like a different QB with the Eagles.
Jetsfan0099 Icon : (Today, 05:00 PM) Scanning the field and making quick decisions, I like how Chip has Sanchez throwing on the run which he was always great at.
Jetsfan0099 Icon : (Today, 05:01 PM) I really hope we finally bring in a good offensive minded coach.
HarlemHxC814 Icon : (Today, 05:45 PM) I really can't wait for this season to be done and over with
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Roger Goodell's Secret Relocation Plans Some good humor

#1 User is offline   azjetfan Icon

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Posted 07 August 2013 - 01:52 PM

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You probably suspect that the NFL has private files describing several possible relocation scenarios -- teams in London, Los Angeles, Toronto and so on. That's just the tip of a very dark, detailed iceberg, as we've recently discovered. Below, for the first time anywhere, is Roger Goodell's working plan to relocate every single team off North America.



FOR OWNERSHIP EYES ONLY

Gentlemen,

As previously discussed at the opening party for Mr. Irsay's ill-advised kosher barbecue restaurant, "Bris-Ket," my office has begun to assemble provisional dispersion protocols for each franchise in the event of widespread natural disaster, foreign invasion or a prolonged labor holdout. Assigned locations are subject to change with the state of world affairs at any time. Naturally, I must stress the utmost need for this document to remain secret.

Respectfully,

R.S. Goodell, Commissioner

AFRICA

Cincinnati Bengals -> Kenya. Continued economic expansion and the national soccer team's tendency to run afoul of FIFA augur great opportunity for the NFL. Hard Knocks has already mentioned an entire episode centering around a thirsty Andrew Whitworth drinking 1/3 of Lake Victoria.

Jacksonville Jaguars -> East London, South Africa. Finance desk estimates the team would save $2-3 million on repurposed London Jaguars paraphernalia already printed and in storage.

New York Giants -> Madagascar. Research desk showed other markets would be a more natural fit, but this is Eli Manning's favorite movie.

Oakland Raiders -> Somalia. "Bloodthirsty, lawless and remorseless." These were the terms the Somali pirates used to describe Oakland's fanbase, but we have assured them this behavior can be toned down.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers -> Egypt. At the request of the Department of State, we have slotted the Bucs here in the hopes that ongoing political strife is replaced by a collective displeasure with Josh Freeman's play.

ASIA

Baltimore Ravens -> India. Coach Harbaugh the Elder assured our office that control of rival nuclear powers was the inevitable endgame to his sibling rivalry. We see no reason to interfere with destiny.

Chicago Bears -> Russia. Occam's razor, gentlemen.

Cleveland Browns -> North Korea. The regime's history of media fabrications means we are the closest we will ever be to a "BROWNS WIN SUPER BOWL" headline.

Denver Broncos -> Kazakhstan. Region where some of the first horses were domesticated by man; also have no existing Papa John's franchises in-country.

Green Bay Packers -> Israel. That first Lambeau Leap over the Wailing Wall will be part of the Sunday Night Football montage for years to come.

Pittsburgh Steelers -> South Korea. Markets desk predicts continued growth in this, the world's sixth-largest producer of steel. Also preserves rivalry with North Korea Browns.

San Francisco 49ers -> Pakistan. Coach Harbaugh the Younger concurred with his brother.

St. Louis Rams -> Japan. Legal desk has assured me that we are unlikely to be held liable for the mistaken belief on the part of the Japanese that Jeff Fisher is actually "Silver Tom Selleck."

AUSTRALIA

Seattle Seahawks -> Australia. An unusual clause in Pete Carroll's contract requires any relocation of the team to be to a "shirt-optional" region. Contingent on ensuring that "beast mode" does not refer to some bizarre Australian coital configuration.

EUROPE

Arizona Cardinals -> Spain. High unemployment rate means team will be able to try a different running back every week. It was also determined that Larry Fitzgerald deserved to have something good happen to him, for once.

Detroit Lions -> Greece. Bankruptcy jibes aside, media desk shows astoundingly positive test audience reaction to an untitled reality show centered around what happens when Matthew Stafford is the richest person in an entire country.

Houston Texans -> Poland. In every military simulation NATO ran, J.J. Watt was the only countermeasure that consistently prevented the occupation of Warsaw.

Indianapolis Colts -> Belgium. The world's only other mayonnaise-based economy.

New England Patriots -> Romania. Special request by Bill Belichick, who wants to spend more time with his 800-year-old family avoiding the sunlight and feeding on townsfolk.

New Orleans Saints -> France. If Pierre Thomas' parents had named him Pyotr, this could have been a different result. Thirty-five-hour work week also ensures there is no time to organize illegal bounties.

New York Jets -> Italy. The Italians love leaders who are brash, stout and sexually deviant, so Prime Minister Rex Ryan is a real possibility. Economics desk also determined that Mark Sanchez's skill set fits country's traditional industry, Men Standing Around In Suits With Nice Hair, perfectly.

Washington Redskins -> Great Britain. Marketing has assembled a separate planning document laying out a six-month campaign focused on Robert Griffin III, the Royal QB. Historical desk is looking into possible background sources of peerage for Mr. Griffin.

CENTRAL/SOUTH AMERICA

Atlanta Falcons -> Peru. Correcting public misperception that Colombia, and not her southerly neighbor, is still the world's largest cocaine producer will be priority one in our "Modern World of Coke" launch.

Dallas Cowboys -> Brazil. Office of the U.S. Ambassador to Brazil notified us that the country was in serious need of a leader with experience in constructing expensive venues that provide little or no benefit to surrounding communities, and Mr. Jones graciously conceded.

Miami Dolphins -> Argentina. A natural transition, as the team will still find itself enjoying good weather, vibrant culture, and a fanbase dotted with unextradited criminals.

Minnesota Vikings -> Nicaragua. Legal desk has learned that a clause of every contract signed by musical artist Prince is that the Vikings only be allowed to relocate to a country flying a flag that contains the color purple. While some owners have suggested this condition could be ignored in the event of Prince's death, we are unwilling to risk death at the hands of Undead Prince, sensual though it would be.

San Diego Chargers -> Easter Island, Chile. Chargers are in desperate need for help along the offensive line, so this move is made in the interest of parity.

YET TO BE PLACED

Carolina Panthers -> ?. We have yet to find a country willing to take in Jimmy Clausen.

Buffalo Bills -> ?. Ownership continues to reject several appealing options; we suspect they may be attempting to keep the team where it is in the event of a North American catastrophe in order to collect an insurance payout.

Kansas City Chiefs -> ?. Logistics desk cannot guarantee Andy Reid will bring the team to the airport in time to make their flight, especially if they're checking bags.

Tennessee Titans -> ?. Just keep forgetting to do this one. Commissioners are imperfect, at times.

RELOCATION NOT APPLICABLE

This office has compiled 1,733 doomsday scenarios which would require implementation of the above geographic redistribution. In all of them, the doomsday event was caused by the Philadelphia Eagles and/or their supporters.

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